ThE-UnKO-LeMa

I'm over dA.

I'm waiting still.

not sure what for.

A pilgrimage perhaps but not of the Christian sort.

Hiding the past, so I can look to the future.

Hiding myself, no longer.

Last six years I've been in limbo, three more weeks and maybe it will end, maybe not.

Do I neglect past friends?

Do I move on and start fresh being myself?

Will they respect me for who I am?

A year of lies,

a year of 'playing the game'

or has it been 18yrs of playing the game?

... I've been so stupid, Im even Stupider now.

The words come to late.
I wanted a song for comfort,
it never came.
I broke down, I cried.

The song comes now, but too late;

"Step one, you said 'we need to talk'...
but He'll walk away, you'll say sit down it's just a talk...

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend,
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along.
And pray to God he hears you
And I pray to God he hears you.

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life"

She says she doesnt need saving. I believe it.
I just hope the one after me listens to her, as I, her once friend did.

The journal title means what you thought it did.

I dont need to be a suicidal emo.
I'm dead already.
HSC can go to hell....